Straight to Video

by Rad Max

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1.
Let's blast off and go to SpaceCamp Let's watch sweaty dudes play volleyball Let's ditch going back to school And go hang out at the Chopping Mall Let's go get rad with Audrey 2 We'll save Ferris and the Golden Child We'll go thrashin' with Johnny 5 Wear blue velvet and do something wild Flix from ‘86 Watching flix from ‘86 Sometimes I get my kicks Watching flix from 1986 Karate kid goes to Japan Three amigos go to Mexico Trouble comes to Little China Captain Kirk goes to San Francisco Neon maniacs and critters Iron eagles and Howard the Duck Trolls, cobras, and aliens A goblin king and a goblin-faced truck Flix from ‘86 Watching flix from ‘86 Sometimes I get my kicks Watching flix from 1986 (Highlander) There can be only one (Retreat; surrender) There can be none (Highlander) There can be only one (Retreat; surrender) There can be none Flix from ‘86 Watching flix from ‘86 Sometimes I get my kicks Watching flix from 1980-- Flix from ‘86 Watching flix from ‘86 That’s how I get my kicks Watching flix from 1986 1986 I’m watching flix from ‘86
2.
Me and the girls are chillin' Friday after school We're gonna have a slumber party. We think it could be cool Mom and dad are out of town. The bar is fully stocked. We can order pizza, watch MTV, and talk Slip into our PJs and pour ourselves a shot Becky plays some Starship and we dance with all we've got But we are not alone Someone grab the cordless phone Let's send Becky outside She's probably gonna die and get stabbed in the eye and I think you know why And that is because... There's a killer loose at the slumber party He's got a drill and an ax. All we got's Bacardi He's outside lurking and probably jerking it Killer loose at the slumber party All the girls are freaking out. I'm trying to stay calm The Reflex is playing on the tube. God damn, that song's the bomb Back to the task at hand, the killer can't be far Looks like a bootleg John Travolta with a drill shaped like a guitar Let's send Becky for help That always works out well She takes a step outside But she's instantly drilled, she probably got killed, and the killer starts to shred his guitar, which is shaped like a drill, which doesn't make sense, but soon it probably will-- eh, probably not Killer loose at the slumber party He's got a drill and an ax. All we got's Bacardi He's outside lurking and probably jerking it There's a killer loose at the slumber party So Becky's probably dead With a mutilated head I wish it was Brittany instead Cause she kind of sucks Killer loose at the slumber party He's got a drill and an ax. All we got's Bacardi He's outside lurking and probably jerking it Hairy and scary. His name’s probably Gary Killer loose at the slumber party There’s a killer loose at the slumber party
3.
Wrap-around shades Fingerless gloves Wind in my hair Cruising for love Wham Bam Trans Am Muscle car Muscle shirt Yo, ladies Stud alert Wham Bam Trans Am Why is there no one in my passenger seat? Why won't my girlfriend call me back? Maybe I'm driving everyone away...nah I’m just gonna drive my Pontiac Fist bump Bro hug Crack a brew Ready to chug Wham Bam Trans Am Radio up Pedal down Needle pegged Never slow down Wham Bam Trans Am Why does my temper flare like a firebird? Why do I always feel attacked? Maybe my anger is driving me to drink...nah I just want to drive my Pontiac Oh, my god. You're never going to believe this, Becky. This guy with a mullet driving a beat-up firebird pulled up in front of me in the Taco Bell parking lot. He was shirtless, but wearing gloves for some reason? Anyway, he leaned out, lowered his sunglasses, and said he'd take me on a “ride I'd never forget.” As if! I told him that big disappointments were hard to forget. Then I walked away leaving him all alone with his sad, soggy burrito. Wham Bam! Wham Bam! Trans Am! Trans Am!
4.
Woke up in the future In the year 3503 I looked around and found some humans Who looked just as terrified as me Started digging through the rubble Looking for some food for our new tribe Someone found something special And said, “Hey, come check this out, you guys.” He found a new god His name was Zoltar He grants us wishes for a quarter His eyes are glowing He knows the future His name is Zoltar He knows the future We know that he’s magic cause he doesn’t use electricity When I look into his eyes I truly believe he understands me His name is Zoltar And we love him No other forces are above him His eyes are glowing He knows the future We give him quarters He knows the future Zoltar called us near We all grabbed a beer And gathered around to listen Sat in front of him in wonder and fear Waiting to hear his blessings A few minutes later He spat out some paper From the depths of his mystical chamber He said, “Hey! Losers, geez. Go fuck yourself please.” Zoltar He fucking hates us If we were also gods He wouldn’t date us We jumped the gun here He’s not a real god He’s just a vending machine From Long Island I want my money back I want my money back
5.
This life It sucks Need musical salvation Musical salvation Don't tell K-Tel I need a compilation Another compilation I crave Escape From this administration This administration Is that Freedom rock? Well, man, you better turn it up Is that Freedom rock? Well, turn it up Is that Freedom rock? Well, man, you better turn it up Is that Freedom rock? C’mon, turn it up Can't wait Eight weeks For my delivery My delivery I need Some tunes On record, tape, or CD Record, tape, or CD Hit play Today Reach escape velocity Escape velocity Is that Freedom rock? Well, man, you better turn it up Is that Freedom rock? Well, turn it up Is that Freedom rock? Well, man, you better turn it up Is that Freedom rock? C’mon, turn it up C’mon man! Turn that music up! That is entirely too quiet! I can’t hear you! Aw yeah! That’s better! Are you ready to rock? (yeah!) Let’s go! Is that Freedom rock? Well, man, you better turn it up Is that Freedom rock? Well, turn it up Is that Freedom rock? Well, man, you better turn it up Is that Freedom rock? C’mon, turn it up Turn it up! (x3)
6.
Psychodorks 03:10
So we like each other yeah Spending time together yeah But we want a little more The shit you can’t buy at the store We want to stroke each other's hair And wear each other's underwear Stir up our juices in a bath Soak for an hour and a half I wanna get a tattoo of your face On my face Only bigger If you need me I’ll be in your trash can outside Pyschodorks We're having so much fun Pyschodorks We're scaring everyone We could start to get sci-fi I’m talking Goldblum and a fly Jump in a pod and become one A super sexy mutation I wanna get a tattoo of your face On my face Only bigger If you need me I'll be in the trash can outside Pyschodorks We're having so much fun. Oh, yeah Pyschodorks We're scaring everyone. Oh, yeah Pyschodorks Our outfits always match. Oh, yeah Psychodorks Our crotches are attached. Oh, yeah The metamorphosis is done You and I have become one The parts are smaller than the sum My god! What have I done?! Psychodorks! (x4) Yeah...
7.
Kicking back in my high tech high-rise Fully automated everywhere Didn’t think I’d pay such a high price The place became self-aware Computer must have deleted All it’s files on Asimov Don’t know if there’s a way to defeat it I gotta find a way to shut it off Somehow we knew this But we gave it the power And because of our hubris The computer controls the tower (x2) Just wanted a little convenience Sounded good when it was on paper Don’t want to get erased from existence Stuck in this Sky-Net-Scraper Sci-fi stories -- we didn’t grok them And we gave our data away It’s a W.O.P.R. of a problem Won’t take an AI to know we’re DOA Somehow we knew this But we gave it the power And because of our hubris The computer controls the tower (x3) Pretty sure I head the toaster laugh I think the vacuum knows kung-fu The elevator wants to give me the shaft What the HAL am I going to do? (x2) Somehow we knew this But we gave it the power And because of our hubris The computer controls the tower (x11) End of line
8.
Working Girl 02:43
Look at my power suit At my angular ‘do Got me a my corner office Look at that city view Look at these shoulder pads Power lunch at 2:00 Spending this entire check At Saks Fifth Avenue And I’m keeping all my dreams alive I’m keeping my eyes open wide Keeping busy with this 9 to 5 A working girl just trying to survive At the water cooler With a bunch of dudes They’re focused on last weekend While I make my moves Faxing documents To China and Brazil I’ve got the motivation With the looks to kill And I’m keeping all my dreams alive I’m keeping my eyes open wide Keeping busy with this 9 to 5 A working girl just trying to survive Watching the sunset From a high rise apartment This night can’t be over yet Black dress, high heels, clove cigarette I just need to have a good time And I’m keeping all my dreams alive I’m keeping my eyes open wide Keeping busy with this 9 to 5 A working girl just trying to survive I’m keeping all my dreams alive I’m keeping my eyes open wide It’s just another day in the life Of a working girl
9.
Late at night across the street Something’s giving me the creeps Neighbors out back digging holes Rumor says they got no souls In the middle of the rain The Klopeks are at it again Sneak in while they're at the store We won't take this anymore This is why I hate living in the burbs Found a bone in my backyard Showed it to my best friend Art He had a logical idea It belonged to a dead guy Now we must take a stand The Klopeks are at it again Break in, steal all of their skulls We won't take this anymore This is why I hate living in the burbs (x2) I don’t have to listen to this, I don’t need to hear this now (x2) I wanna kill everyone Satan is good, Satan is your pal I don’t have to listen to this, I don’t need to hear this now (x2) I wanna kill everyone Satan is good, Satan is your pal This is why I have living in the burbs

about

A rock-filled love letter to 80s movies, slumber parties, and being rad.

credits

released April 10, 2020

All songs written and performed by Rad Max.

vocals - Rad Rachel
guitar - Rad Josh
bass - Rad Scott
drums - Rad Greg

All songs produced, recorded, and mixed by Larry Crane at Jackpot! Recording Studio.
Mastered by Tanner Cundy at Labyrinth Blue Studios.

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about

Rad Max Portland, Oregon

Rad Max is a rad wave dance rock band from Portland, OR. They were voted most likely to play the training montage song in a straight-to-video b-movie. In between VHS movie nights, this band blasts out ridiculous songs about malls, evil computers, and psycho killers with guitar-shaped drills. ... more

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